You might be a redneck if…….

•  Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
•  You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
•  You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
•  Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
•  Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
•  Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her a_ _.
•  You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue Ellen to walk by.
•  None of your shirts cover your stomach.
•  Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
•  The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
•  You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
•  You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
•  Birds are attracted to your beard.
•  Your idea of a seven-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
•  You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
•  You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
•  Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
•  You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
•  You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
•  Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
•  You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
•  You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
•  You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
•  Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events. 
•  Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
•  Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
•  You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
•  You mow your lawn and find a car.
•  You can spit without opening your mouth.
•  You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
•  You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
•  You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
•  Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
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You might be a redneck if…….

•  You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
•  You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
•  Your back porch is bigger than your house.
•  There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
•  You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
•  A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
•  An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
•  You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
•  You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
•  Your favorite pick-up line is "Nice tooth!"
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