You might be a redneck if…….

•  You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
•  You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
•  Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
•  You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
•  You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.
•  When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
•  Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your hometown.
•  Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
•  You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
•  Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
•  Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
•  Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
•  During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
•  You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
•  On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
•  Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
•  You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
•  In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
•  Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
•  You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
•  You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
•  You bring your dog to work with you.
•  Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
•  You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
•  You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
•  Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
•  Your masseuse uses lard.
•  Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
•  Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
•  You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
•  The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).
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