You might be a redneck if…….
• You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
• You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
• You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
• Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
• You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
• You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.
• When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
• Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your hometown.
• Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
• Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
• You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
• You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
• You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
• Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)
• The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).
• You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
• You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
• You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
• Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
• Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
• Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
• Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
• During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
• You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
• On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
• Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
• You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
• In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
• Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
• You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
• You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
• You bring your dog to work with you.
• Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
• You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
• You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
• Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
• Your masseuse uses lard.
• Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You might be a redneck if…….
• You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
• You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
• Your back porch is bigger than your house.
• There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
• You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
• A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
• An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
• You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
• You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
• Your favorite pick-up line is "Nice tooth!"
Redneck Dishwasher
Redneck Motorhome
Redneck Swimming Pool
Copyright © 2001 - 2008, Glen L. Reeves. All rights reserved. Site Disclaimer About Glen's Place Contact Guestbook
Redneck Jokes
