You might be a redneck if…….

•  The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
•  Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
•  Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
•  Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
•  You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
•  You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.
•  You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
•  Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
•  You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
•  Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
•  You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
•  You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
•  Red Man sends you a Christmas card.
•  The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
•  You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
•  Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
•  Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
•  Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
•  You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
•  You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
•  You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
•  You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
•  You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
•  The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
•  You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
•  Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
•  Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
•  In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
•  You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
•  You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
•  You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
•  You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
•  You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
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