You might be a redneck if…….
• The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
• Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
• Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
• You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
• Bikers back down from your momma.
• You were shooting pool when your kids were born.
• Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
• You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
• Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
• You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
• You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
• The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the h--l are you looking at, Sh-thead?"
• You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
• You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
• The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
• You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
• You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
• You clean your nails with a stick.
• You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
• Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
• People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
• Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
• You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
• You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
• You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
• You've ever been too drunk to fish.
• You've ever bought a used cap.
• You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
• You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
• Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
• You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
• You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
• You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
• Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
• In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
• Your idea of a seven-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
• You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
• You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
• Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
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Redneck Jokes
