You might be a redneck if…….

•  More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
•  You think the stock market has a fence around it.
•  You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
•  You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
•  Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
•  Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
•  You've ever used lard in bed.
•  Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
•  You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
•  You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
•  Your home has more miles on it than your car.
•  Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
•  You've ever been arrested for loitering.
•  You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
•  There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
•  You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
•  You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
•  You own a homemade fur coat.
•  Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
•  Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
•  You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
•  There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
•  Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
•  There is a wasp nest in your living room.
•  The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
•  You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
•  There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
•  You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
•  You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
•  Fewer than half of your cars run.
•  You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
•  The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
•  Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
•  Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
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